When he told me, all I could think about was a conversation he and I had in Istanbul in the summer of 2006.  We were sitting near the Blue Mosque at a cafe, and he was talking about his new girlfriend in a way I’d never seen him talk about a girl before.  I thought to myself, “He’s toast. He is definitely going to marry this girl.”

Way to go, dude!

Related posts:

1. I’ve Got A Date in Constantinople…
2. Catamaran, man! (or, “Drats! Hydro-foiled again!”)
3. 3/5 of a President

Best Suprise

Monotonix (Tel Aviv, Israel)

Holy moly. I’m not even sure if I’m that into these guys’ tunes, but you cannot help but be completely hypnotized by their antics. They seriously spent more time crowd surfing or climbing up the walls than standing on the stage, and most of the time they were playing their instruments on top of the crowd.  Did I mention the fifteen minute drum solo while they changed an amp that they blew in the middle of the show? I’ve pretty much never seen anything like this, and what a way to close out the trip.  If only they did fire tricks… OH WAIT:

The “I Can’t See These Guys Enough” Award

Gil Mantera’s Party Dream (Youngstown, OH)

Two clinically insane geniuses who strip down to their banana hammocks while simultaneously dancing their asses off, playing the shit out of matching Lucite guitars, and blowing everyone’s minds with their incredibly catchy electro-pop (which is drenched in vocoder vocals, brain-crushing hooks, and Stevie Nicks covers). Just go with it.

Runners up: Marnie Stern, Still’ Flyin

Most Overrated

Vivian Girls

My take on the Vivian Girls record was that it was highly mediocre, so I was sure there was a reason these ladies were getting so much attention.  I figured the live show was the key, and I really wanted to see what they were all about.  Turns out they are all about: being somewhat cute, wearing short shorts, and not being able to play their instruments (or faking as such, which is even worse).  I’ll take Marnie Stern’s sick chops any day of the week over this derivative slop.

Worst of the Worst

Kevin Devine and the Goddamn Band

THEY ARE CALLED KEVIN DEVINE AND THE GODDAMN BAND.

Best Show of the Festival

Titus Andronicus

The Titus Andronicus debut The Airing of Grievances is an odd and invigorating combination of erudite wordplay and punk rock sensibility; these guys have no problem quoting a few lines from an existentialist philosopher and then closing a song by screaming “Fuck you!” at the top of their lungs.  It’s weird, and kinda great. But walking into a show after hearing an album like that, it’s tough to know if you are going to get the punks or the professors.  About five seconds into their set, it was clear that the punks had come out to play.  The setting was perfect: no stage, just a cleared out corner of a parking lot at a backyard barbecue. The crowd was stocked with uber-hipsters and gutterpunks alike, and everyone in attendance was treated to a simple, unpretentious, and completely furious ass-rocking.  Kudos to you, Titus Andronicus.  You win SXSW.

Runners up: Mojo Nixon, Monotonix

Technical awards:

• Most Likely to Die in a Horrific Stagediving Accident: Ami Shalev of Monotonix (Tel Aviv, Israel)
• The “Nastiest Chops” Award: Marnie Stern (New York, NY)
• The “Prima Donna” Award for longest and fussiest soundcheck: The Rosebuds (Raleigh, NC)
• The “Please Don’t Ever Hang It Up, I Don’t Care HOW Fat You Get” Award: Mojo Nixon (Chapel Hill, NC)
• Shortest Shorts: Hutch Harris of The Thermals (Portland, OR)
• The “Nice Job Pissing Off The Meatheads In Front of Me” Award: HEALTH (Los Angeles, CA)
• Most Judy Garland T-Shirts Per Capita: Abe Vigoda (Los Angeles, CA)
• Most Brew Grooves Jammed: Still Flyin’ (San Francisco, CA)

And if you think I am going on about Marnie Stern’s chops too much, suck on this:

Related posts:

1. SXSW Awards 2008: Vol 2
2. SXSW ’09 Band Tally
3. SXSW Awards

A little bit of background here for the few of you who may not have heard me ramble on about this at length: in 1952, my grandmother was a forty-seven-year-old immigration and civil rights attorney practicing in Los Angeles. She was indeed an active member of the Communist party, and did extensive work with the LA chapter of the National Lawyers Guild and worked cases for the Los Angeles Committee for the Protection of the Foreign Born. She was a communist until the day she died, which was soon after I was born.  The tape is a bit of a family heirloom and a pretty amazing piece of living history, so it’s great to finally have it saved as an MP3 and be able to share it here.

However, even after the cleanup work I did, there were still a few parts of the tape that were unintelligible, so I went looking for a transcript of the audio. It took me a few hours of digging, but I eventually found the full archive of HUAC papers on archive.org. As it turns out, the printed copies of all the HUAC hearings, reports, and findings are all available at the Boston Public Library, but they’ve been scanned and posted online thanks to the Internet Archive.  Further investigation turned up a number of reports referencing Rosie’s name (see the image right for a page from one report entitled “Communist Legal Subversion: The Role of the Communist Lawyer“), transcripts of her serving as counsel for other people brought before the committee, the transcript of her second testimony in 1963 (of which my father and I were unaware) regarding her trips to Cuba, and most rewardingly, the full content of HUAC’s 1952 investigations into “Communist activities among professional groups in the Los Angeles area”, which contains the transcript of our recording. This was particularly exciting, mainly because I have heard the tape many times since I was a child, and now I can finally understand certain parts of the audio (especially the parts at the end during which everyone is talking over each other and arguing about book burnings).  Regardless, here’s one of my Grandmother’s better diatribes, and then the link to the audio.

Mrs. Rosenberg. There will come a time in this country when there
is no climate of fear and coercion and hysteria, and people will of their
own free will declare with pride and with honor as the Puritans said
they would be glad to — to declare their faith, but not under compulsion,
and not because there will be a subpoena over my head or a blacklist,
and not if the result will be loyalty oaths. This is precisely what has hap-
pened in civilizations that you’ve asked that question — the Puritans
were proud of their faith, the Jews were proud, too, and yet when
they were faced with Torquemada and with Hitler, what would you have
expected, sir, that they should rise up and say they are Jews? If that
cost of that would be their heads? Today the cost of declaring one’s
faith — which I say you have no right to ask me about — is a blacklist and
a subpoena and a loyalty oath and book burnings. This has been the
result of the force and violence of this committee.

Testimony of Rose Rosenberg before HUAC, October 1, 1952

One particularly fascinating part of the tape which I was never able to make out before is an aside from Rep. Donald Jackson of California, who is obviously frustrated and throws in a jab that seems to be apropos of nothing, but is quite telling:

Mrs. Rosenberg. In Oklahoma books were burned, and do you know
what the American Library Association said?

Mr. Jackson. Is this in answer to the question asked by counsel?
If there weren’t so many witches who left their brooms and tall hats
around, we would not have so much work to do.

Pretty amazing (and shameless) stuff.

Additionally, while I was searching for information on the HUAC hearings, I came across the website for a book written by Eric Etheridge called Breach of Peace, which contains photos and information about the 328 freedom riders who converged on Jackson, Mississippi in 1961, and there was a “Rose Schorr Rosenberg” listed there. A quick call to my father confirmed that Grandma did, in fact, go on a freedom ride in 1961, and when I contacted Mr. Etheridge, he sent me a link to the Mississipi Department of Archives & History, which has digitized all the records of the Mississippi State Sovereignty Commission.

There, I found numerous photos and files referencing Rosie, including her mug shot taken on July 15, 1961 (shown right; also appears in the aforementioned Breach of Peace), the police report of her arrest, and a number of documents and fascinating articles, including ones showing that the DA in Jackson was working with the the folks over at HUAC in attempting to use her communist ties to discredit the riders. There was even one article written by Bob Novak which paints the entire civil rights movement as having sold its soul to the far left (sound familiar?), and another AP article which mentions my grandmother and her traveling companion Jean Pestana by name, the title of which was “Jackson Cops Link 2 Riders to Red Groups“.

I’m pretty excited by how much I found, and always suprised by how much information is available on the internet. I’ve asked my brother to dig out Rosie’s memoirs so that I can scan and digitize them for preservation, and maybe learn a bit more about what happened to her in Mississipi (she was issued a $200 fine and 4 months in jail, but I’m unaware at this point how much time she actually served).  I’m also working on an audio project that will contain discussion of the tape by my family members with portions of the tape cut in. I think it will make for a compelling story.

Related posts:

1. Buying the Indispensable Opposition
2. 80% Hetero
3. I’m a Bad, Bad Man

Jake and Jesse’s
Review(s) of the Pitchfork 500
Chapter 2: 1980-1982

I’ll paste Jesse’s list in here first. Also keep in mind that Jesse and I did not share our lists with each other until they were completed. Here goes:

My Least Favorite Tracks:

1. Adam and the Ants “Kings of the Wild Frontier”.  It’s funny because I have this record.  I really like the song “Press Darlings”, mostly because I liked the Rocket From the Crypt cover of that song.  I have the first Adam and the Ants record, which pitchfork rightly refers to as “S & M chic and Weimar.”  I like it OK, but have held on to it more because it’s somewhat collectible. Adam and the Ants  just tend to leave me cold.  With all the fancy lights, the genre-hopping, the cool recordings, it all comes down to a skeleton song that seems so dispassionate in its origin.

2. Scritti Politti “The “Sweetest Girl’”.  I haven’t listened to much Scritti Politti, but their name pops up a lot on the DIY Brit stuff that I have.  I guess they were instrumental in engineering that scene, and I like, if not love a lot of the stuff that came out of the post punk pop DIY early 80s that is featured on such comps as Messthetics.  Marry that with one of my favorite performers, Robert Wyatt, tinkling on the piano (something I didn’t know about this song before) and you’d think it be a match made in heaven.  But no, this track still bores me as it always has.  You will notice that boredom is the main reason these tracks are listed.  All the wavering vocals and slight pop idiosynchrocies that pepper these bands (like my beloved Television Personalities) are absent in this track. It’s a slick repeating arty loop.

3. Flipper “Sex Bomb”. Speaking of boring. This band apparently was an inspiration to two bands that were fundamental in my upbringing of music: Nirvana and the Melvins.  I used to have a live Flipper cassette back in the early 90s based on the name drops.  At the time it seemed unlistenable, but I kinda liked that about it.  Now, hearing this track, it sounds far less noisy and much more, well, “fratty” to use pitchfork’s reference to the horns.  I know, I know, the horns are ironic I’m guessing, but this song seems a celebration, albeit noisy and avantgarde of the kind of decadent party music that is rooted in Wolly Bully and that kind of stuff.  And I’ve never been that attracted to that kind of thing. Chock it up next to blues rock.

4. The Specials “Ghost Town”. I’m guessing you’re gonna hate me for this one.  While I like parts of the song, especially part of it’s mood, it just goes on way too long for me.  Especially the sax solo.  Perhaps you can link my disliking the Parliament song, this, and the Flipper song, that I just don’t like the jams.  Including the MC5.

5. Altered Images “Happy Birthday”.  When I first heard this song on another comp a while ago, I liked it.  But the shelf life on it’s very short.  I still like the charming beginning, but it goes on way too long.  Do I just have Wire in my veins?  I have such ADD for certain songs sometimes.

My Favorite Songs of those I Hadn’t Heard Before (of 26):

1. Glenn Branca. “Lesson No. 1 For Electric Guitar”. Now listen, this is right up my alley: I love repeating krautrock, Neu!, and the repetitive guitar melodies of Michael Rother.  Far from being the “future noise rock” that pitchfork applies to this, all I hear is melody, melody, melody. It sounds beautiful to me.  It reminds me of flying over, and over again, to some destination that you never get to.  You are flying over repeating and repeating Dr. Seuss hills: you know those hills in the backgrounds of Dr. Seuss stories?  They are huge egg-like hills, colored purple, with some green strange trees on them.  And they go as far back as you can see, with no landmarks on them.  This is the trip, over these hills, like a looped cartoon.  And at some point, you realize that the beauty is not in trying to get to the destination, but the trip itself.  There’s something very comforting in that.

2. Bad Brains “Pay To Cum”.  I know, you’re like “How haven’t heard this before?”  I may have, but don’t remember. Bad Brains peppered a lot of the mix tapes I received in High School from my punk friends.  I remember hearing “Rock For Light” but not this.  And while I got into Minor Threat, I never really got into Black Flag and Bad Brains.  Hearing the Black Flag song, I don’t regret missing out on them that much, but this song is amazing.  It manages to sum up everything I like about hardcore punk in such a succinct statement. Where do you go from here?  Perfect.

3. Yoko Ono “Walking on Thin Ice”.  What a groove.  There’s a song on Plastic Ono band, the Yoko version, that has a ridiculously long name like “I Was Walking Through the Supermarket Pushing a Baby Cart” which sounds years ahead of its time.  Of course the rest of the album can be a trying experience, although there are some hilarious moments.  Now, given the context of what was going on, Walking On Thin Ice doesn’t sound years ahead, but fits right into a certain scene at the time.  But it sounds so good, still.  And the guitar work: Goddamn if people are always talking about how great “Beautiful Boy” is!  The guitar work on this trumps that entire song as far as some of the last work Lennon did.  Yoko manages to step into the scene and keep one foot out of it, due to the fact they were old fogey celebrities just fucking around.  And that’s what makes it seem like a timeless groove to me.  Who says I don’t like party music?

4. The Fall “The Classical”.  I have tried for years to get into the Fall, and, with the exception of a few songs, they have always been OVERRATED to me. I use the capitals because for a lot of people I know and have rubbed elbows musically with, they are such a big deal.  Maybe I just haven’t heard the right album.  This song is exactly what I was always looking for in the Fall: a combination of being hilariously absurd and dangerous. Hilariously dangerous. The guitar after “Hey there Fuck Face” is so sweet to hear. It’s like a musical satiation of the previous line.  The fact that he says “Hey There Fuck Face” is hilarious.  The fact a guitar starts the melody of the line “I’ve never felt better in my life” before he starts singing it makes the cut they are making so planned: planned, absurd, dangerous chaos.  Great.

5. Dexy’s Midnight Runners “There There My Dear”.  Oh, those rolling R’s. And how pumped is this track with those horns? It reminds me of the Futureheads and that whole scene in terms of accent but also in terms of restless energy, where the singer is so enthralled by his indictment, he threatens to outpace the band.

My Favorite Songs of Those That I Have Heard Before:

1. The Pretenders “Back On The Chain Gang”.  I have never listened so closely to the vocal performance on this song before, and for that I acknowledge the writer of the blurb for this song in the pitchfork book.  This is when the book scores highest for me so far, because, yes, I now feel too that it’s “one of the most heartbreaking records ever made”.  This is pop music at it’s highest: a song that I have sung along with many times at the bar and now, listening to it in my room, hearing that tightly controlled vocal performance that just threatens to break, I am full of tears.  To bring that kind of transformation is also great rock writing.  Thank you, pitchfork, you stuck up bunch of indie rock snobs.  You win this time.

2. Robert Wyatt “Shipbuilding”.  This song was my introduction to Robert Wyatt years ago.  It was on a Rough Trade comp and, perhaps because it was surrounded by post punk stuff like Altered Images, it stood out more, but it slayed them all with Wyatt’s voice.  I have always loved vulnerable voices, but Wyatt’s combines a hearftfelt wisdom with a shaky humanity.  He’s the fucking Gandalf of music my friends, and lord knows I love that shit. But more to the point, this song still makes me cry.

3. The Wipers “Youth of America”. It’s funny, when I saw they chose this song, I was a little disappointed as they could have chosen “Taken Too Long” or “Over the Edge” or some other Wipers songs that perhaps I like more.  This one is a long one.  But at soon as I heard it I knew why they chose this one.  The guitars on this, how they ascend and duplicate and come back – when you’re walking around listening to it, it doesn’t seem long at all, at least to me.  Then again, I apparently love repeating long guitar songs.  But not blues.

4. Michael Jackson “Billie Jean”. Bar none, my favorite Michael Jackson song.  It was hard not to dance while listening to this walking around.  From the very first moments of the song, I get excited.  It’s such a fun ride.

5. Mission of Burma “That’s When I Reach For My Revolver”.  Again, like the Wipers song, not my favorite Mission of Burma song.  But I still getting taken for the emotional rollercoaster everytime I hear this, like when I heard it at 17.  Sixteen years later, and I still wish I was playing the guitars and singing this song.  It’s too bad, because at the end of the song I hear the beginning of Outlaw and want to listen to the whole EP.  Signals, Calls, and Marches is one of my favorite recordings of all time.

Works for me. I’m not a huge fan of “Ghost Town” either. I feel the exact same way about both the Fall and “The Classical”. Also, I forgot about that Flipper song when I was making my lists, but it would have made my least favorite tracks, no doubt. The Scritti Politti song didn’t bore me as much as it did Jesse, I think, but other than that I take no issue with this list. Jesse, I approve (except for the part where you started talking about the important part being the journey and not the destination and all that; you sounded like Benjamin Button). And now, my list:

Least Favorite Tracks in This Chapter

Let me preface this by saying that I didn’t really dislike any of the songs in this chapter that much. These are simply my least favorite.

The Clash – Magnificent Seven

Too long, too repetitive. I appreciate the Clash’s willingness to experiment, and when it works (see last post re: “Guns of Brixton”) it’s great. To me, this is a failed experiment. I’d rather listen to actual rap, or even actual funk.

Altered Images – Happy Birthday

I think this one is just too chirpy, and wears thin way to fast. I was also really irritated by the P-fork blurb on this one, in which it discussed Altered Images conscious decision to abandon post-punk for pop in the pursuit of fame. How is that ok for them and not for Smashmouth? Ok, obviously they make better music than Smashmouth, but I’m just saying… abandoning what you’re into because it isn’t selling; isn’t there a phrase to describe that?

Adam Ant – Kings of the Wild Frontier

Meh, those Burundi drums are really a one-trick pony. You don’t even notice how weird they are in “Goody Two-Shoes” until you hear them used again in another song. And another thing, “Goody Two-Shoes” is a better song than this. Suck it up and put that one in here, P-fork.

Best Tracks I Had Never Heard

B-52′s – Private Idaho

Still not sure I’m a B-52′s fan, but this is a great song. Strikes me as having more bite than most B-52′s stuff I’ve heard before. I do like “Roam” as well.

Dexy’s Midnight Runners – There, There My Dear

Wow. This was the standout track for me. I’ve heard about Kevin Rowland and his craziness, but man, this song is great. The hook is ridiculously infectious, the lyrics are scathing and yet strangely self-unaware (once you decipher them). Fascinating and just plain great. Rrrrrrrobin!

Young Marble Giants – Final Day

Talk about creepy; blink and you miss the apocalypse. I always love when dark material is wrapped in pretty paper and tied with a bow. Makes it fun to open.

Bruce Springsteen – Atlantic City

It’s been all Springsteen this week. I picked up “Nebraska” after I heard this song (I’m somehow in love with the idea that he recorded the whole album as demos for the E-Street band and then just decided it was better as is), and then last night at the Superbowl he decided to power-slide his crotch right into my living room. Did that freak anyone else out? I think we just crossed a line.

Wipers – Youth of america

Always heard about Wipers and never got around to listening; this is great stuff and right up my alley. And anyone who has ever heard The Pulses should not be suprised that Jesse is into this; his singing style totally channels Greg Sage’s voice during the lines “it is time we rectify this now / we’ve got to feel now”. Awesome.

Runners Up
Duran Duran – The Chauffer
Bauhaus – Third Uncle

Best Tracks I Had Already Heard

The Message – Grand Master Flash & The Furious Five

Don’t think I really need to explain this one; a classic.

The Pretenders – Back on the Chain Gang

Take heed, all you aspiring pop songwriters: this is how you debate. How often do you hear something this unabashedly accessible with so much bite? This song is like a baby panda that just might tear your face off if you try to pet it.

The (English) Beat – Save It For Later

I never realized how dirty this song was. And oh, that chorus.

Tom Tom Club – Genius of Love

This beat is so brilliant I can even forgive that weird growling vocal part in the middle.

Bad Brains – Pay to Cum

P-fork really nailed it in the blurb for this one… catchier than pop-punk, tougher than hardcore, faster than grindcore. These guys were a level above.

Note: this video is not the 7″ version, which is the version that made the 500. The 7″ version is definitely a better recording, but I couldn’t find it.

Well, that’s chapter II. Jesse and I both marveled at the amount of crossover we had in our lists. Must be why we’re friends.

Related posts:

1. The Pitchfork 500 Analysis: Chapter I
2. Marathon Men
3. This is why i keep reading Pitchfork

From: Jesse Steinchen <******@hotmail.com>
To: Jake <*******@redlightbandits.com>
Subject: Pitchfork 500: Chapter 1 Review
Date: Thu, 15 Jan 2009 03:16:56 -0800

While I not interested in hanging out and listening to these tracks with you, I am interested in talking about them.  I have listed:

1. My top 5 Least Favorite Tracks in Chapter 1
2. My top 5 Favorite Tracks I Had Not Heard Before in Chapter 1
3. My top 5 Favorite Tracks I Had Heard Before in Chapter 1

You should too.

Least Favorite Tracks:

“Atomic” Blondie.  I have never liked Blondie — I have always found them soulless to me, which is strange, given the amount of robotic krautrock I love.  But for some reason, their attempts at being robotic leave me cold, the same way Friedlander tells Tracy about porn with videogames, as breaking that barrier he’s talking about.

“I Will Survive” Gloria Gaynor. Granted, this is an important song.  I have heard it too many times.  Like railroad tracks that have been burned into my brain, I can’t stand it anymore!  Which is weird, because I have heard “Just What I Needed” 100 times more, and I still like it.

“Flash Light” Parliament.  I have never gotten into Parliament.  Maybe it’s because their album covers look so ugly to me, so unorganized.  I just get bored of this repeating party rhythm line.  Again, strange, because I LOVE the Donna Summer song.  There’s a line in Lawrence of Arabia where a reporter asks Lawrence why he likes the desert so much and he says “It’s clean.”  The funk and repetition in Donna Summer sound so CLEAN to me.  Parliament just sounds dirty, and gross.  Am I a fascist?

“Got To Give It Up” Marvin Gaye.  Now I do like some Marvin Gaye, and as much as the writer talks about the “monster groove” of this song, I just find the whole thing too long and boring, the Benjamin Button of Grooves if you will.  Maybe it’s all those party noises in the background.  Dirty again.

“Human Fly” The Cramps.  This is hard – I don’t have anything against the Cramps, really.  But this revisionism falls flat with me if I don’t care about the original inspirations in the first place.  Something about the 50s, the retro, that whole time period, well, it bores the crap out of me.  Also, I have stated before : all the blues derivative rock songs like the Psychotic Reaction stuff on Nuggets I didn’t care about , I liked all the pop stuff.  Lester Bangs was wrong. I can’t stand the rocking blues.

Favorite Tracks I Had Not Heard Before: [of 22 tracks total]
 ”I Feel Love” Donna Summer.  Why haven’t I heard this before?  I must have been under a rock.  It makes me think: I want to make a giant beautiful science fiction film based on the French comics of Moebius and have this be the end theme song.  I love the repetition of these synths: it’s why I love Eno and Cluster and all that stuff.

“The Chase” Georgio Moroder.  Yeah, yeah – basically the same thing as the previous. I guess Stromberg and Keith know where’s it at with their Moroder-love.  I think I love it too.  I just find those synths mesmerizing, so Nausicaa to me.

“Wuthering Heights” Kate Bush.  I only have two of Kate’s albums, and not this one.  It’s a great song, what more can I say?

“Don’t Leave Me This Way” Thelma Houston. Not so crazy about the shouting chorus, but the chord changes combined with the melody for the verses are so good, it makes up for it.

“There But For the Grace of God Go I” Machine.  Such a weird song to me, but I love the strange forced melody of the main lyric over the song, along with the odd “sneers” of the singer, well, it makes this such a cool song for me.

** Honorary Notice.  I love the The Congos “Fisherman” song.

Top 5 Favorite Songs of The Ones I Had Heard Before:

“Outdoor Miner”  Wire.  One of my favorite songs of all time maybe.  After the Pulses had first started playing, when we had really short songs, someone recommended I listen to Wire.  I did, getting Pink Flag, and thinking, Oh, yeah, I can see why I should listen to this.  We kinda are writing songs like this.  And then I heard this song on Chairs Missing and I thought if I could write one song like this, ever, then I could die.

“Ex Lion Tamer” Wire. Boring choice, huh?  This song seems like it was so easy to write, so easy to play.  But no one else though of it.  It’s funny because I don’t worship everything Wire did on those first three albums, some of it I just plain don’t like.  But some songs…

“Disorder” Joy Division.  I will admit to you: I only own the first Joy Division album and I have never really listened to it in full.  But I have listened to this song and that so far seems all I need.  So great.

“The Passenger” iggy Pop. Yes, I have heard this a million times.  But it still sounds amazing to me.

“Don’t Fear the Reaper”. Blue Oyster Cult.  I know, I know.  This has been heard a gazillion times!  But it still casts a spell over me.  Which is kinda amazing.

NOW YOU.

OK, so I don’t have a clue what that first part about not wanting to hang out with me means (I can only assume he’s trying to say that he doesn’t want to hang out at my apartment while we listen to each song one by one), but the list itself is interesting. Jesse and I differ on our positions on blues, but that’s a long-running war; my main points of contention have to do with Blondie and Parliament being on the shit list. I can’t argue with much else here. Regardless, I’ve been called out, so I here now present my same lists, in no particular order:

Jake’s Review of the Pitchfork 500
Chapter I: 1977-1979

Least Favorite Tracks in This Chapter

Brian Eno – “1/1″

Yes, I know this song invented a genre. Yes, I know it was never intended to be listened to attentively. Yes, I get it. This was still one of the worst listening experiences I’ve ever had; seventeen minutes of earth-shaking, skull-crushing boredom.

Gloria Gaynor – “I Will Survive”

I don’t hate it, but I would be completely thrilled to live the rest of my life without ever EVER hearing it again. Everyone doing this at karaoke: enough. Just stop.

Lee Perry – “Roast Fish and Cornbread”

Yes, um… terribly sorry to interject, Mr. Scratch, but is there a reason why you’re holding a pillow over the microphone while we’re rolling tape? It really is causing the board engineer quite a bit of bother. Oh, and if you don’t mind, might you escort these cows from the studio, please? We have a strict “no pets” policy, and they seem to have taken to shitting on the soundproof foam floors.  Much obliged.

This Heat – “24 Track Loop”

Yawn.

Steely Dan – “Deacon Blues”

Sorry, P-fork… I don’t buy your idea that this is biting, self-aware douchebaggery. I think it’s just regular douchebaggery.
P.S. This song is how not to do sax.

Best Tracks I Had Never Heard [of 28 total]

X-Ray Spex – “Oh Bondage! Up Yours!”

How have I never heard this before? I’ve even heard it sampled in Girl Talk. Great intensity, great sax, great song.
P.S. The Girl Talk song that samples it is “Smash Your Head” off Night Ripper
P.P.S This song is how to do sax.

Magazine – “Shot by Both Sides”

My first impression of this track was that I could almost hear these guys just going through the motions; the song feels sluggish. It didn’t matter; the slight flange on the guitar and the ascending scale were so infectious that I was hooked as soon as I heard that chorus. But here’s the interesting thing: I soon realized that the Buzzcocks song “Lipstick” (a song I’ve heard many times before) shares that same chorus, and I doubt that song even cracks my top 5 onSingles Going Steady. Apparently, the flat verses are what makes the chorus pop. Whatever, it works.

The Congos – “Fisherman”

If musical genres were people, and sound was attractiveness, and reggae looked like this, I’d want to fuck reggae.

Goblin – “Suspira (Main Title)”

Weird and great and creepy and awesome.  Stromberg apparently loves these guys; I need to get some of their records. He said to start with the Suspiria soundtrack.

The Records – “Starry Eyes”

My soft spot for power-pop comes through here.  I’m obsessed with these guitar lines; I want to play guitar like this. Just a great pop song.

Best Tracks I Had Already Heard

Chic – “Good Times”

The other day at work we were trying to name candidates for the most universally likeable track ever recorded.  My suggestion: it’s between this and Michael Jackson’s “Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough”, which is coincidentally also on the 500.  Do you know anyone who doesn’t like this song?  This bass line is an institution. “Boys will be boys, better let them have their toys / Girls will be girls, cute pony tails and curls / Must put an end to this stress and strife / I think I want to live the sporting life”. Yeah, me too.

Wire – “Outdoor Miner”

What can I say; it’s perfect and beautiful and biting and catchy and forceful all the same time.  I could probably set this on repeat for an hour, which is not something I can say about very many tracks.  Those first three Wire albums amaze me; when you listen to them consecutively you can hear the arc of their experimentation, but it’s always grounded; always wrapped around a chewy nougat center of that distinct Wire sound. Songs and records like this don’t come along often.

Clash – “Guns of Brixton”

Having been a teenager who thought the center of the punk rock universe was a warehouse Gilman street, the first time I listened to London Calling, I immediately thought to myself, “How are these guys a punk rock band?”  Turns out my instincts were right; as punk as the Clash might have been, I’m old enough now to recognize that London Calling is not a punk rock record, and how these guys managed to fool a bunch of Minor Threat fans into listening to reggae is beyond me.  Oh wait, I know how they did it… by recording an incredible fucking reggae song.

Kate Bush – “Wuthering Heights”

After I listened to this one I had to go back and listen to my Kate records. Melody, melody, melody. And that voice.

Fleetwood Mac – “The Chain”

When I was about 8, my parents took me on a long car trip. They put Rumours on the stereo, and they left it on repeat. Hours later, I got out of the car, determined never to hear it again (when Clinton picked “Don’t Stop” as his campaign song in 1992, I saw red). I’ve since come around. “The Chain” is my favorite Fleetwood Mac song and one of my favorites of all time.  Best parts; during the chorus when they sing “I can still hear you saying” and there’s the falsetto reverb repetition of that line, and the intense solo and breakdown at the end. What’s that you say, you don’t like blues? Go fuck yourself.
P.S. This is also great.

So that’s it! Stay tuned for Chapter II, which covers the birth of hip hop.

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Meanwhile, the NHL experts blog at Yahoo! Sports has been running some very funny eulogies for teams that get knocked out of the playoffs, and the Sharks eulogy is up here.  Honestly, it’s not that great; it’s not nearly mean enough. This one for the flames is totally brutal, which is what makes it hilarious.  I was really hoping for some nasty digs at my favorite players (Brian Campbell in particular has been made into a hot scapegoat for this year’s annual second round breakdown), and some potshots at the city of San Jose.  This comic was good, though:

Anyways, like I said, it’s been a fun season, and I’m (once again) looking forward to next year with high hopes.  Maybe I’ll get a Brian Campbell jersey so when they release him in the off season I’ll have a jersey for a guy that was only on the team one year, that’s always fun.  And meanwhile, I get to watch the Stars get completely thrashed by the Wings (ooh, I should submit one of those obits for the Dallas stars when after they get trounced), and the series in Pennsylvania should be really fun to watch.  And I’d better enjoy it while it lasts, since the period between the end of the NHL playoffs and the start of football season usually involves listening to my friends blab on and on about fantasy baseball every night.

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I’m really pleased with the sharpness of this lens as well; in the original of this shot I took of Keith, I can zoom in on his eye and actually see myself holding the camera, clearly reflected in his iris.  Pretty awesome.  I’m really looking forward to using this in most casual situations, and it should also be great for shooting bands from the front row.

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Davis: I don’t know what you have against God, but some of us don’t have much against him. We look forward to him and his blessings. And it’s really a tragedy — it’s tragic — when a person who is engaged in anything related to God, they want to fight. They want to fight prayer in school. I don’t see you (Sherman) fighting guns in school. You know? I’m trying to understand the philosophy that you want to spread in the state of Illinois. This is the Land of Lincoln. This is the Land of Lincoln where people believe in God, where people believe in protecting their children.… What you have to spew and spread is extremely dangerous, it’s dangerous–

Sherman: What’s dangerous, ma’am?

Davis: It’s dangerous to the progression of this state. And it’s dangerous for our children to even know that your philosophy exists! Now you will go to court to fight kids to have the opportunity to be quiet for a minute. But damn if you’ll go to [court] to fight for them to keep guns out of their hands. I am fed up! Get out of that seat!

Sherman: Thank you for sharing your perspective with me, and I’m sure that if this matter does go to court—

Davis: You have no right to be here! We believe in something. You believe in destroying! You believe in destroying what this state was built upon.

Listen to the clip of the exchange here:

Rather than discuss the logical fallacies involved in her arguments (and there are tons: her ad hominem abusive arguments regarding Sherman’s chosen realm of activism, her ridiculous argumentum ad populum about belief in god, and her wholly unsupported implication that Illinois was somehow built on Christianity, just to name a few), I’d like to address the most frustrating aspect of this tirade, which is her claim that being exposed to atheism is somehow destructive to children.

Look, I understand what’s really going on here; if this woman genuinely believes that children unexposed to the teachings of Christianity are going to burn in hell, no one can really blame her for feeling that the perspective of an atheist is something corrosive that should kept away from impressionable minds at all costs.  But unfortunately, that’s a fully circular argument; it points to belief in god, but it only holds if you believe in god in the first place.  And more importantly, it’s missing the crux of the issue at hand, which has to do with teaching our children how to think.  The irony of her position is that the only children so easily susceptible to indoctrination are ones who were never taught how to think, how to analyze, how to discuss and debate; the ones who were never exposed to any new ideas in the first place.  And that’s why I’ve yet to ever hear a single valid unbiased argument against teaching children about critical thinking.

I hate to post the same stuff over and over again, but it appears my goal of getting this document into the hands every human being on the planet has not yet been achieved, so allow me excerpt once again from Walter Lippmann’s essay The Indispensable Opposition. Friends, please, read it right now if you never have before. It’s short, I swear.  But I digress; here are some relevant portions:

We miss the whole point when we imagine that we tolerate the freedom of our political opponents as we tolerate a howling baby next door, as we put up with the blasts from our neighbor’s radio because we are too peaceable to heave a brick through the window. If this were all there is to freedom of opinion, that we are too goodnatured or too timid to do anything about our opponents and our critics except to let them talk, it would be difficult to say whether we are tolerant because we are magnanimous or because we are lazy, because we have strong principles or because we lack serious convictions, whether we have the hospitality of an inquiring mind or the indifference of an empty mind. And so, if we truly wish to understand why freedom is necessary in a civilized society, we must begin by realizing that, because freedom of discussion improves our own opinions, the liberties of other men are our own vital necessity.

This is the creative principle of freedom of speech, not that it is a system for the tolerating of error, but that it is a system for finding the truth. It may not produce the truth, or the whole truth all the time, or often, or in some cases ever. But if the truth can be found, there is no other system which will normally and habitually find so much truth. Until we have thoroughly understood this principle, we shall not know why we must value our liberty, or how we can protect and develop it.

And here we get to the heart of the matter, which is that society genuinely needs different viewpoints because exposing people to different viewpoints is what helps learn how to learn, and what help us discover truth.  Atheists, as the opposition, (or Christians, were they the minority) are not something to just be tolerated.  They serve an important function: to either weaken or strengthen your own beliefs by putting them to the test.  And if a belief doesn’t hold up under scrutiny, is it really worth having?

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I was quite proud of myself for coming up with this idea, because, seriously, it’s awesome.  Which brings us to the today; here I sit, feeling pleased and quietly developing pictures of band shoes, when out of the blue, I get a phone call from Jesse:  “Hey buddy… I’ve got some bad news.”

Thus enter French electro-popsters The Shoes and their new single, “Knock Out”.  Apparently, they have pressed 300 copies of the 7″, and each one comes bundled with a Polaroid of (guess what)… shoes.  And here’s the kicker; they (being significantly cooler than I) have far more famous friends than I could hope for (although I do sorta know the drummer from Lady Genius and one the guys from Altman).  Each Polaroid is of someone indie-famous and is signed by the aforementioned semi-celeb; notable notables include folks from Bloc Party (left), CSS, and The Darkness.

So what’s the moral of the story? Apparently, it’s “never try to do anything cool or fun or awesome, because someone will just rip off your idea and flaunt it all  over the internets”. Internets like NME, Pitchfork, and MixMag. Well, crap.

What do you guys think… should I go ahead with the project or toss it in the fail bin?  Jesse has already made it clear where he stands (and I’m paraphrasing here): “I dunno, man. I was just worried you’d have someone over to your apartment who would see the pictures, yell, ‘Hey, that french band The Shoes already did that!’, and then burn the place down.”

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